we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
