I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i came on her dog
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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