Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
