That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
