this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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