This is not my ceiling
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
