I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I enjoy the company of your penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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