You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize