So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
