why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
