and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
