i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
