i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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