I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
