you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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