i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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