he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
