I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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