I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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