What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
