Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
