If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He passed out mid-signature
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
