There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
