Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
