i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
