Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
