I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Everclear isn't food dammit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize