OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
