I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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