You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
