Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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