shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
