I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
