Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
