my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
