fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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