how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
