if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
