Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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