R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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