There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
