explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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