plz talk dirty to me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
