she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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