the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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