Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
