My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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