meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
