i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
