We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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