she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize