So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize