i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
