Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
