I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
