Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
