I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
