i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
