The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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